Yummy! So we celebrated Valentine's day a few days early by picking up a heart shape pizza, cheesy bread and cookie dough from papa murphy's on Friday night! As you can see in the corner, our lovely gift is from my mother. Inside the box is a yummy white and milk chocolate carmel covered apple, a bag of mini carmels and a milk chocolate walnut covered apple (that one is for Travis). AND, she even sent us some candy coated pretzel rods, that were super rich, but yummy. We're still working on our treats, because they are very sweet and very rich and we can't eat the whole thing in one sitting. We went and saw Avatar in 3D on Saturday night, which was such a great movie, we loved it the last time, but the 3D experience was pretty cool too. Not that much of a difference in my opinion though, but still a great movie. And for Valentine's day officially we went to the gym and swam outside, lifted and then had takeout from PF Chang's and watched Couples Retreat. So we actually spent a lot of our entertainment money this past weekend!
Anyway, Travis and I were talking about how much women really change after they had kids this morning, so I've decided to make a list of things that I think commonly change (for both gals and guys) in a marriage after little ones enter the picture (based on friend experience and our societal culture). There is no hidden agenda or intent to be controversial, negative, positive or offensive.
However, I would like to point out that in our marriage class, several studies were done and named that show people are much more selfish in culture now a days, and that is one of the reasons people put off having kids. Which is an interesting perspective. When you look at not having kids yet as a matter of being selfish and not ready to give up your own life, it kind of puts a different spin on things - because there will never be "enough" money, "enough" time, etc. I think having a kid makes you become unselfish because you realize that life is not about you yourself or about you as a couple. And that's what I think is so exciting about the concept of parenthood, despite all the changes. It's a big step of commitment, faith and maturity. But ANYWAY, here are some observations/what culture says "happens" to parents (in not any particular order):
1. Baby comes before spouse = jealousy, insecurity, abandonment, possible fights.
2. One spouse does not help out as much as the other spouse = definite fighting, disappointment, tiredness which probably leads to número tres...3. Sex life diminishes along with "date" night = frustration, guilt, possible fights, spouses kind of go on auto-pilot.
4. Work/Career becomes debatable for one parent = arguments, fear, financial 'burden', heavy discussions.
5. Gym time (work-out, etc.) goes out the door (or remain non-existent) = weight gain, insecurity, frustration, possible fights.
6. Other friends without kids sort of "disappear," adios to girls’ and guys’ nights = guilt, life changing reality and reconnection/disconnection of relationships.
7. The MIL factor – mother-in-laws may become "crazier" because of their new grand baby = most likely fighting and attempts to keep sane when family members are together. Oh, and lots of tips/suggestions and “remember when” times.
8. Everyone you know offers you parental advice or any kind of advice = learning to smile and say, thank you for your suggestion, I will take it into consideration, but really never thinking about it again, except to maybe tell your spouse what someone said.
9. Pulling snot out of baby's nose with your hand, walking around with drool all over you and being able to be around massive amounts of poo = actually, thinking about this makes me a little queasy, so I'll pass on this one.
10. Having a beautiful, healthy, happy little piece of you and your spouse join your family = lots of smiles and laughs - just one of those amazing priceless moments in life called parenthood.
In summary, this has been a long blog, but it was fun to think of some certain situations or shows and laugh a little to myself (until we have kids and then we won't be laughing about some of these things). Oh, and in regards to number 5, I definitely want a sweet baby jogger! And I really do think that you need to make your marriage a priority and sadly, I think that sometimes people forget that they were married first. No, that does not mean that you neglect a child that needs and depends on you, but I definitely think that both partners in the marriage need to make an effort. So, maybe in a year or two or so, Travis and I will look back and see how we're doing as parents.
As my favorite mother-in-law would say, life is an adventure.
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