These are my confessions...

1. Pregnancy versus baby... toss-up.  I got more sleep being pregnant, but I don't miss the tummy and I LOVE sitting on the floor and picking things up just fine again and I LOVE seeing the little guy that was inside of me for so long!
2. I am 10,000 times more hormonal after having the baby.  I cried everyday for the first 6 days, mostly because I kept realizing that there was no more just me and Travis.  And sleep deprivation probably helped out the tears too.

3. Sometimes I look at the baby and think, I just can't do this, I don't know what I'm doing, he's probably going to starve, I don't know why he's crying, why can't he talk yet?
4. Finishing out the semester is really hard, mainly because of group projects and trying to find time to work together... but rumor has it that he'll be sleeping through the night before we know it... because as we all know "they grow up so fast." 
5. Nursing is extremely difficult.  I'm taking fenugreek, I've gone to the lactation consultant twice and was told that I most likely do have a milk production problem.  My nipples hurt from trying to pump and nurse more to increase my milk production, but nothing has really helped much.  It's discouraging since all of my friends and family say that they can pump out 8 oz in 1 sitting and I get 1/2 oz in 1 sitting including both sides :(

6. Postpartum recovery isn't very much fun.  I started taking more walks and walking more and this results in more cramping and bleeding.  And peeing and trying to have a bowel movement those first few days, well, let's just say to all the pregnant people, get those stool softeners at the hospital. 
7. Lastly, 6 weeks is way too long to resume activities I've decided.  This includes intimate activities with your significant other. 
8. I had to leave Tristan 6 days after he was born to go to school and take a quiz.  I left him with my mom and I was gone for a little over 2 hours.  It wasn't too bad, but as time goes on it's been harder and harder to leave him.

Now for the good confessional stuff...
1. Travis is an amazing dad (and he's an ironman!!).  Watching him try to play with Tristan and talk to Tristan makes my heart melt seriously.  And it's incredibly sexy, but see #7 above :(  boo.

2. My aunt has been a tremendous help and my mom was down here last week as well to help out.  Travis' family is here this week.  Family is awesome and we couldn't have gotten through some of this stuff without you. 
3. Tristan is the most beautiful, precious baby in the whole wide world.  It's true, you have a baby and you think they're the most beautiful, wonderful thing in the whole wide world.

4. The mom community rocks.  It's a whole new part of life.  For instance, today in the Nordstrom's women's lounge there were 5 of us breastfeeding our babies and we were all chatting and talking.
5. I've become a stroller mall mom - yikes.  But again, you do exchange knowing smiles and looks with other moms, who remind us all the time that it goes by way too fast.

Thanks to everyone for all the congrats and support - including Travis in his ironman, which he did in 11 hours 15 minutes!  He was awesome! 

I'll try to update a little sooner next time, but well, you know how it is :)

A birth story

My first thought is how far to go into detail in the blog.  Hmm... we'll see.  So, on Tuesday, November 9th, we had an induction appointment (gels - cervical ripening agent) scheduled at 2:30 pm.  Travis and I went to Subway at 2 pm bc he thought maybe I would want to eat out since I had been nervous all day.  We arrive at the hospital at 2:45 pm, late, bc Travis didn't think we needed to be on time (I can just hear his brother, Cooper, now, Uncle Cooper, saying he's not surprised by that one bit).  We finally get called back at 3:30 pm and after being monitored for a while, we find out that I was dilated to 3 cm and that the gels will probably kick me into labor.  Good thing we packed the baby bag.  So after a round of gels, we walk around for 45 minutes and then I'm monitored again and at 4 cm.  We walk around one more time for 40 minutes, go to the parking lot and sit on the birthing ball that we brought in the car, do some stairs (walking) and return.  After being monitored and check, I'm at 5 cm and we are told we are getting admitted into labor and delivery (yay!).  We go for another long walk and even do some stairs again and I then I get on my hands and knees for 10 minutes to try to turn the baby bc I was having really bad back labor.  So now it's around 10:30 pm and we go to labor and delivery and I am no longer having cramping in my lower back with the contractions (which really are starting to hurt by now), so the baby must've turned!  Woo hoo!

Unfortunately in labor and delivery, I am still at 5 cm, so we walk again and do stairs and I sit on the birthing ball and around 1 am, I finally dilated to a 6 1/2, so my body progressed, a little slower than expected, but that's okay!  I am dying to have an epidural now, so I tell the nurse and she says that after she starts pitocin, she will give the anesthesiologist a call.  Luckily, at 2:30 a.m. someone else wanted an epidural so the doctor was already here and at 3:15 a.m. I got an epidural.  And it totally made my night (not just bc of the pain, but bc the doctor said he could tell I worked out bc I had a very slim back and it was extremely easy for him to figure out where to put the needle, and I have always loved working out my back muscles).  ANYway, the epidural needle poke actually kind of hurt me a little bit, and Travis told me a lot later that the needle was huge and thick, but after I got that I didn't feel any contractions at all and it was 100% amazing.  Unfortunately, my body really slowed down.  The nurse had predicted I'd deliver the baby before her shift ended at 7 a.m. but I stalled at 6 1/2 cm for the next several hours.  We did sleep for about 2 hours that night, though, and I was starving to death.  I will admit that Travis snuck me some fruit snacks and some crackers.

So at 7 a.m. we got a new nurse (who predicted Tristan would arrive by the end of her shift at 7 p.m.).  Around 10 a.m. I had progressed to 7 1/2 cm with the help of some pitocin and everyone said the baby would be there by 2 p.m. Around 3 p.m. the doctor comes in and breaks my water.  Tristan became very distressed and his heart rate starting decelerating and they inserted an intrauterine catheter to give me back the fluid (amnio fusion) and Tristan got a little monitor as well to measure his heartbeat along with the intensity of my contractions.  I am given extra oxygen for the rest of the time.  We're told with no improvement it will be a C-section and I have to sign the C-section consent forms.  I really didn't want a C-section just bc of the slow recovery period and I was really bummed out and stressed out, which probably wasn't helping the situation.  So over the next hour I ask for prayer, I pray, take deep breaths and I make sure that Travis is praying over there.  And God is good and Tristan's heart rate is normal for a whole hour and a bit before 5 p.m. I am 10 cm and 100% effaced and I feel the urge to push!  Awesome and still feeling nothing!!  Tristan would be there soon, everyone was sure bc he was so low in my pelvis. 

1 hour later of pushing, I am pretty tired and the nurse tells me the doctor has asked if I can stop pushing for 20 minutes while she runs off to perform an emergency C-section on someone else.  The nurse says I only have to stop if I feel comfortable and I verify that it will be only 20 minutes and I figure I can "hold back" for 20 minutes and say yes, but I planned on pushing if I really felt the urge.  We don't up the epidural dose bc I am told I am close.  My aunt Lisa dropped by at this time and brought us some cute baby outfits from the Christian bookstore, I was pretty tired/frustrated, but it was nice that she dropped by and it was a good 20 minute distraction!  Well, the nurse comes back in and says we are going to start pushing in about 10 minutes, so my aunt leaves and I am ready to get going again, since I was pretty much pushing on and off during my "break" anyway.  Well, it turns out the C-section takes much longer than usual, so after 1 1/2 hours of "holding it back" I am finally cleared to start pushing again.  It is now around 6 pm and I feel so much pressure it's not even funny and I've got pretty good control of my legs and I am realizing that the epidural has worn off, but I was told I was very close, so I don't push the button to receive more.

Well, guess who gets stuck in the birth canal right by my pelvic bone (the part he needed to slide under so he couldn't get sucked back up again)?  That would be baby Tristan.  1 hour later we are still pushing and I literally am in so much pain it's not even funny.  I pretty much can move my legs and I keep thinking that I might actually die from labor.  Travis keeps telling me I'm doing great every time I start my set of 3 pushes for 10 seconds each and he was a great coach/partner.  At one point he accidentally spit candy on my face and I told him, "I'm really sorry Trav, but don't talk to me and don't spit candy on my face."  So I can happily say that I never yelled at Travis (I was focusing so hard on holding my breath, keeping my chin down and pushing that I didn't really have time to yell), just my one frustrated comment right there.  But seriously, he spit out jolly rancher bits on my face when he was coaching me through a contraction!!  And the nurses keep telling me "you're so close" "you're almost there" and they've been saying that for 2 hours and I am going nuts.  Travis looks at me sympathetically bc we both know how much I LOATHE being told "it's just around the corner" "just a little bit more" "1/2way there" during a race or something. So now it is 7:15 pm and we have really gotten attached to our nurse and I secretly hope she stays through the whole thing bc HOW MUCH LONGER CAN IT SERIOUSLY BE?!  So, for the next 30 minutes I keep on pushing and I start saying discouraging things and begging for an actual time estimate, saying how much it hurts, telling Travis I am done doing this, etc.  Not my finest 30 minutes.  And then, miraculously I am told the baby's right there (yes, I'd heard that a lot, but I felt so much pain/pressure, this time it had to be true) and the doctor is on her way in.  The doctor comes in, I go through 3 sets of 3 pushes and Tristan is out at 7:50 pm, weighing in at 7 lbs and measuring 20 inches!  He has the cord wrapped around his throat twice, so the doctor clamps and cuts it instantly and Travis isn't asked to do the cord cutting.  I immediately beg for pain medication (even though I do feel immensely relieved) and I am given Stadyl (spelling?) and I fall asleep for 10 minutes right away after waiting to hear Tristan cry, so I don't even see/hear Tristan or anyone else for 10 minutes.  Travis tells me I missed some pretty fun stuff down there and that I missed seeing Tristan's cone head when I wake up. 

After I come to, I lay there and my placenta is pushed out, my single tear has been stitched up and I am ready to go to the bathroom.  I am told that I can't walk around after having an epidural and I look at the nurse and say, trust me, I think I can walk around.  So she doesn't believe me, but says okay swing your legs around and I do and she's stunned and I get out of the bed and walk to the bathroom and go (which yes, hurt/burned/stung like none other, but I really had to go).  Luckily, I was given my little peri bottle before and I got all the fun little topical medications and diapers and mesh panties, which have been life savers!!  

So all in all, this was one long and hard labor, but we had a GREAT team of nurses, we got along very well with all of them and they were all very attentive and caring.  I didn't mean to end up going "natural" at the end there with no pain medication, but everything worked out and I didn't die from the pain.  And people are right, you do forget the pain quickly.  And now I have the most beautiful baby boy in the whole wide world.  And again, people are right and you really do think your baby is the most beautiful human being in the whole wide world.  That little guy was worth all the pain in the whole wide world.  And watching Travis talk to Tristan or hold him or cuddle him or attempt to swaddle him really well or attempt to change his diaper are the most endearing things in the whole wide world.  We're both learning swaddling techniques and fast diapering techniques together and I honestly can't wait to experience parenthood (and make our own parenting mistakes just as all parents do) with Travis.  I love him more than anything in the entire world and I am so excited that Tristan has joined us and made us a family of 3!  It's going to be great!

Family visits?  My mom (grandma) is coming down Sunday to Sunday (the 21st) and staying with my Aunt Lisa (great aunt to Tristan, pic below).  The Rileys (grandparents Rick and Karen and aunt/uncle Lindz and Cooper) will be coming down next Friday to Friday (the 19th through the 26th).  Then my parents (great grandparents) will be coming down the following week.

 

Okay, I'll update again later - we have some great pics of Tristan with his visitors from today.  I know this was a ton of reading material, but I just wanted to get it up since I have been asked several times for the birth story. 

Thank you so much to everyone - we can't even express our gratitude for all the prayers, thoughts and support throughout these last few days!

Love, Travis, Holly and Tristan

Trav's race and waiting it out

Can you find Travis?  (Hint: He's got dark hair and is not wearing a cap...)  Anyway, Travis did an open water 4000 meter swim in 1:04, which is awesome!  He has really improved as a swimmer as I've mentioned before and he did very well at this race.  He was a little bummed with his time bc he swam faster in the pool, but there are obvious differences between a pool and the lake (clarity and the flip turn/push off effect).  Here's a great pic of him swimming (this guy here took a step back when I snapped the photo):

Otherwise, not too much else going on here.  We're just waiting.  I have been to the gym, we've gone on walks, I sat on the "birthing" ball (that would be the workout ball), we've tried other methods (no worries, I haven't ingested anything weird), but we've still got 4 days until my due date.  Like I've said, it hasn't been too uncomfortable, but this evening I've been having a lot more back pain.  The end is in sight though.  My friend, Sali, was due the 16th and she had her baby on Friday - Spencer Reid.  He weighed 8 lbs 11 oz, so it's a good thing she didn't have to go another 11 days! 

We had dinner with Travis' uncle, Kevin, the other night, he was in town for a conference.  We went to a nice Mexican restaurant and he even got us a little magnetic toy moose, that I love to pull apart bc it makes a very loud clicking noise that I'm addicted too.  And I wore the same shirt I wore out to dinner with him 2 nights ago and I had to keep pulling it down at the race yesterday, I was shocked!  Look at this stomach:

On the plus side, I made 6 freezer meals today: we have a brown sugar bourbon pork, we have cheesy chicken rice dish, a broccoli chicken rice dish, and 2 more pork dishes and 1 other chicken dish (all with veggies).  I even wrote the directions on the bags, so all Trav or I have to do is pop them in the oven.  And we have a lot of potatoes/green beans with olive oil, salt and pepper in there with directions as well!  Yum!!  So I was pretty proud of myself.  I always wanted to make some meals in advance, but I always pretended I didn't know how to make them and I decided to suck it up and just do it.  And we bought stuff for tacos, chili and enchiladas, all of which are super easy dishes to make.  We probably should've cleaned up the apartment more today, because I'm sure this is our last Sunday as a family of two, but oh well.  Bittersweet...

Well, hopefully my next update will include a beautiful baby boy and some new family of three pics!!  But if not, that's okay... I can't be pregnant forever ;)

39 weeks (tomorrow) the final countdown

Well, I had another doctor's apptmt today.  It was discouraging to say the least.  I have had regular contractions now that get stronger for an hour or two and then quit.  I was so proud of myself for never rushing to the hospital since it says to wait until they're 5 minutes apart for an hour... but I thought in the mean time my body was doing something!!  But nada!  My body didn't progress at all!  My doctor even said that she gave it the good 'ol college try and she was planning on trying to sweep my membranes if she could get in there, but nothing (she did 2 cervical exams)...  She pointed out that these things go from 0 - 60, but I am not going to be hopeful.  And no, I'm not to my official due date yet anyway, but that doesn't mean that I wasn't thinking my body was going to get there.  And yes, I know that most first time moms go late with their first baby, but that doesn't mean I didn't think I was going to be the exception for once.

Anyway, so thankfully I had a hair appointment scheduled for this afternoon.  At first I didn't want to go bc I was thinking we'd talk about the baby the whole time, but we actually only talked about the baby a little bit and I love my hairstylist (this is the 2nd time I've seen her) and she does an awesome job (look at that stomach!):

Anyway, it's hard to feel cute or attractive when you're this far along (at least for me), so it was a totally good pick me up from this morning's apptmt.  I'm sure when the baby's here I'll do my hair everyday ;)  Just like I do now...  The last couple of days I've been rushing around so much that I even forgot to just put on concealer and go.  One day I'll wear mascara and eye shadow again, probably never consistently, but I do on special occasions. I'm too lazy to spend time in the bathroom.  Travis always says he loves that about me, so I must look pretty okay without it, lol.  And the baby won't know the difference, right?  But my friend Kari always said that you should take a shower and get ready everyday (after baby is born) because you feel better about yourself and I totally believe her.  If I hang out in my sweats all day I do feel like a slob and I'm not very productive.

Oh, and I know I haven't had a hard pregnancy and I'm really not that uncomfortable most of the time, but the top sayings that are getting really old right now (even if they come from well meaning people) are "hang in there" "you're almost done" "you're going to miss being pregnant" "wow, you look like you're going to pop" "isn't that baby here yet?" "are you sure they didn't get the due date wrong, you're huge!" "you're so little, but you have this gigantic thing in front of you".  And the funny thing is, these phrases are only acceptable from certain people and the certain people change everyday, lol.  But I'm never mean about it bc I know people are trying to be helpful, so I just say, "yeah" "thanks" "I know, right?" "it's crazy", etc, in some robotic tone...

In other news, Travis went to the PT a couple of times and got a special training plan and has some more exercises added to the list.  I'm pretty sure he's the most consistent stretcher/icer/heater/roller and everything else when it comes to this training, which should help him out.  I don't think I realized how dedicated he was to training and everything until he started training for this race.  Now if only I could get him to do a house cleaning race and to train he had to pick up his stuff off the floor everyday!  Maybe he'd be really dedicated then!  Lol.  I really can't talk though, I'm pretty bad at crowding the table we eat at with papers and textbooks.  He says he's getting a little burned out (no surprise there!) by all of this working out, so I just laugh to myself being glad I'm not the one doing all of that.  I get burned out just training for a marathon, but for a full ironman, I can't even imagine! 

Oh, wait!  I forgot to mention my favorite question that everyone asks, "are you guys excited?"  And I honestly want to say "no" sometimes.  But my stomach is a huge focal point and it's a conversation starter, right?  I'm always, like, "yep, we're excited."  I really am just not one of those super giddy go pregnancy people, maybe next time around ;)

Hope everyone has a good rest of the week.  And if you get a chance, say a quick prayer or send some good thoughts or whatever you do that will inspire the baby to hurry up.  I think God is tired of hearing from me... LOL!